For as far as I can remember, watching the 1929 film “Gone with the Wind” in your bedroom that you had recorded on VCR will always be one of the earliest memories I have with you. Granted, I’m sure it’s actually not the first memory we shared together because at this point I must have been maybe 7 at most. But because you were always full of grace and elegance no matter what your mood may have been during any specific moment, you optimised the movie adaptation of Melanie Hamilton- a prime player of this civil war classic.
So as the years went by, I continued to watch the movie that soon became one of my all-time favorites within no time. Yet as I grew older and as I was getting closer to memorizing every line of the movie, each time I watched it I would of course learn something new if not look at life differently.
Although Melanie Hamilton was and will always continue to be a key player, she was not my favorite character especially during my younger years. I was more of a fan of the lead, Scarlett O’Hara- flirtatious, fearless, doesn’t put up with anything she doesn’t want to. She was the equivalent of the modern day boss.
Up until recently she always reminded me of the person I wanted to be when I grew up. Why you may ask? Because I saw a lot of my mother in the character I looked up to the most.
She was the one I looked up to for longer than I can remember. She pushed me beyond my breaking point to constantly strive for more. Sometimes, filling myself with doubt, I would be confused as to why my mom want choose to do that until later on I realized she wasn’t doubting me. In fact, she was trying to push me to believe in myself even when others didn’t. To have a will that was so strong that I didn’t need anyone else’s permission to do what I thought was right. She made sure I was raised to have my own set of beliefs which did not always fit with the kids on the playground and she knew this. But she insisted on them because she knew they made me unique and set me and my morals apart from my peers which turned me into the confident woman I am today.
And although there were times when I thought I knew myself better than she ever did but now that I’m older, I’m actually grateful for many things. I’m grateful that I never went to law school- a dream I’ve had since around the first time I saw Gone with the Wind actually. I’m grateful I had the kind of mother pushing me and sometimes mocking my weight to the point where I made my health my no.1 priority. I’m grateful she held me in her arms when I was feeling low like when I didn’t get the job I wanted. Or like the several times she’d notice the role reversal that when she would compare my stature to that of others where she’d question my confidence or lack thereof with the many others.
She was the biggest fan of this magazine sending encouraging words of my writing where I would think that she was just saying this of course “because she’s my mother.” However, she was also my biggest hater when it came to the magazine which makes sense. While I enjoy working in silence without acknowledging what I was doing to many of my family members, she knew I wanted to turn this magazine into one where I could make a living. But as a mother of course she was very worried that this was never going to happen thus at times discouraging me from pursuing Khaleejigirl for my own good.
She is the reason I am who I am today.
She is the voice of reason in my head.
I have her face which I can never escape nor do I want to.
If I could end up being a third of the woman she was I would be over the moon happy.
So as a final note to you, thank you for raising me to be this woman. A lady that is empathetic and does not take advantage of others. One that sees the bright side of any situation, be it a bad or good one.
You’re always with me and I think of you constantly. I hope my legacy will make you proud for tomorrow is another day.
Love, your daughter